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  • Writer's pictureDr. Jon

Brilliant Advice No One Ever Told Me

Updated: Mar 16, 2023

1. Your Marriage Responsibility

In marriage, it's often the case that your spouse knows more about you than you do.

Do you want to grow?

Do you value success and achievement?

If so, you want your spouse to share what they know about you.

The trick to real growth is to do your part in creating an environment where your spouse feels safe and secure enough to share these invaluable secrets with you. This can result in better teamwork when each of you fully understands the other’s strengths and weaknesses and is willing and able to adjust as needed to do their part in building a healthy relationship.

2. How Unfaithfulness Happens  Here's the general reasons why men and women are unfaithful in relationships:

  • What keeps men in relationships is the ability to keep their woman happy.

  • What keeps women in relationships is feeling cherished.

If, at some point, the man thinks, 'there's no making this woman happy' or, 'I can't win with this woman,' the relationship is close to the end. Cheating is on the menu. If, at some point, the woman feels common, disposable, or like she doesn't matter to the husband any more than the family dog she's ripe for an affair.

People have emotional bank accounts. Like any other bank account, if you make too many withdrawals and not enough deposits the person will become emotionally overdrawn.

3. Sad, Bad, Mad, Glad When you allow how you feel to define how you see the world you run the risk of becoming self-absorbed. Everyone wants to feel better, but feeling better is not necessarily being better.

You may feel anger towards your spouse, child, or sibling, but don't allow that emotion to define your relationship with them. Develop emotional maturity by understanding that two seemingly opposing emotions can live together in harmony. You love you spouse AND sometimes they drive you crazy. It's okay to believe both.

4. Change Hating someone for something they did or didn’t do in the past keeps the injury alive in the present.

Let it go, even if they don’t deserve it.

Cancel their debt.

Forgiveness frees us from many destructive emotions. This doesn’t mean that you deny what happened, but as long as you are still holding the offender accountable you are unavailable to allow anyone else to help you in the healing process.

5. Learn to Welcome Negativity Ironically, chronic positive thinking fosters greater closedmindedness. The chronic positive thinker must always be vigilant to block out potentially negative feedback or criticism – even if that feedback may ultimately lead them to the happiness they’re seeking.

People who refuse the negative will suffer from it, while the ones who accept the negative will find the power to change it. The same principle holds true for chronic negative thinking. Balance is key.

6. Are You Successful?  The criteria that we use to measure success in our lives leads to long-term, real life consequences, and those consequences determine nearly everything.

For example, I’m not famous, and I don’t make a pile of money, but I help improve people’s lives. I think that makes me successful – and not by some standard I cooked up in my head either.

The measuring stick you use matters.

If I saw you at a restaurant tomorrow and asked, “What criteria for success are you using to measure yourself?” How would you answer? How are you measuring your life?

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