Every therapist keeps secrets - not out of malice or pride, but necessity. Therapy demands silence about the things we see most clearly. You cannot help a couple by telling them what to do; you help them by helping them discover what they are already doing, and why. If I were to tell my couples what I actually think during sessions, they’d likely never come back. Not because I dislike them, but because therapy, real therapy , dismantles illusions - those fragile constructs of

"Better to trip with the feet than with the tongue." – Zeno Many words have lost their essential meaning in American culture. Everything is “awesome”. Any negative experience is quickly and carelessly labeled “traumatic”. If someone does or says something you don’t like, they’re “toxic". In the counseling business, words are incredibly useful and meaningful. I don’t know what counseling would look like without them. About five to seven years ago, I began to notice a subtle s

Louise sat before me; hands folded in her lap. Her diminutive frame the polar opposite of her towering intellect. Her face bore the unmistakable marks of a soul trying hard to stay composed in the face of overwhelming grief. At eighty-two, she still carried the poise of the distinguished scholar she once was – a retired professor of African-American studies at a large university – she had spent her life teaching others how to articulate struggle and influence in the same brea

“If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.” — Dr. Viktor Frankl Christmas is, on its surface, a story about joy — candles, chorales, and the warmth of reunion. But underneath that celebration lies a harder, older truth: hope entered the world through pain. The child was born in a stable, not a sanctuary. The King came wrapped in rags, not robes. From its very beginning, Christianity has insisted upon the same paradox Frankl uncovered centuri

“I strongly recommend you take that black.” I had just ordered a pour over [1] at a local coffee shop. The barista who said this looks like she had just been popped out of the hipster mold they make every other barista in: randomly colored hair, covered in tattoos and facial piercings, aimlessly dressed. She’s looking back at me with a cheap self-righteous smile. The type of smile that you’d expect to see if you could buy them in packs of 50 at the local dollar store. I smil

Years ago, when I first started my career, I worked in the child and adolescent wing of a large psychiatric hospital. One of the patients I was tasked with supervising was a 12-year-old young boy named Michael. He was part of the half-day treatment program. Michael thought he was a dragon. This idea took hold of him when he was 6, and he quickly became completely convinced of it. Through years of imaginative mental creation and psychological gymnastics, he’d constructed an en